I'm packing today.

figuring out what is going into storage and what's coming with me...

i had no idea it would suck so much. the toiletries and linens were easy. the games, DVDs and books were easy. i think the clothes will be easy.

the christmas decorations are harder. figuring out what I have a right to take and what i don't is hard. Do I keep the waterford bowl his mom sent me? what about the kitchen? most of the stuff there is mine...the pots, the plates, the silverware, the glasses...do I take it all and store it, effectively screwing him? Do i leave it and hope that he won't screw me later? do I want to screw him?

The funny thing is, the thoughts on packing are really reflective of how i'm feeling about the whole situation.

I resent that I have to leave. I hate that I have to struggle to find a place to store all of the crap i've managed to collect over the last 5 years. I'm looking forward to the next step, but I wish I had more time to prepare for it.

i have no idea what I'm doing...

Further proof that George and I were meant to be.

For those of you who can't tell: yes, that's a pug.

BOY am I glad I did what I did RIGHT FRIGGIN BEFORE THE MOST CRAPTASTIC, 'LOVE'-FILLED DAY OF THE FRICKIN YEAR.


Would it be wrong to get myself flowers? Or does that make me the biggest loser of all?

Go fuck yourselves, San Diego.

A private note:

Tháispeáin tú barr an domhan dom. Choinnigh tú suas mé ar a bhun. Tá súil agam go n-aimsíonn tú gach rud a bhfuil do chuardú. Tá grá agam duit. Beidh cumha orm i do dhiaidh.

Le grá,

me

The beginning of my 28th year:

Well, it's not really beginning like I'd hoped. For those of you who don't know, I've split up with Mike, and find myself back at the beginning again. And it presents a whole new bunch of questions and thoughts that I don't know the answers to.

1. Is it smart to break up with someone you love? Even if you know that love is NOT enough?

2. How do you keep the panic at bay?

3. What about the future plans? Like the Memorial Day trip we planned a month ago?

4. Does he feel as bad as I do? Do I want him to?

5. How do I say goodbye to his family? They are good people, and I liked them.

6. How do I ensure that our friends don't stop being his friends? That they don't stop being my friends?

7. Where do I go from here?

All of these things have been running through my head, and I can't seem to make sense of any of it.

But there are a few things I am INCREDIBLY grateful for:

1. 2 good friends who let me crash on their VERY comfy sofa that night.

2. Amazing bosses who let me take Friday off and told the big boss I was just 'under the weather.'

3. Coworkers who sent me flowers AND offered dogs to play with and heal with.

4. Friends who are helping me move next week.

5. Parents who let me wake them up at 2am on Thursday and talked me down from a sheer panic.

6. Living in sin - at least there is no marriage to undo.

Basically, it just plain sucks. My heart hurts, my head hurts, and I keep friggin running out of wine...

And welcome back to my next installment of:

STUFF I HATE

Today, I write about Trader Joe's. For those of you not in 'The Know,' Trader Joe's, or 'TJ's' is a reasonably priced specialty grocery store that focuses on organic and free-range foods. I like it for it's good produce and really great pre-made dinners.

So, what's the problem, you ask?

Well, the problem is one thing: The customers.

Every day, every single time I visit TJ's, the aisles are packed with a bunch of hemp-wearing, unshaven, pot-smoking, air-headed, granola-eating, bongo-beating brain-dead asshole EX-HIPPIES who can't seem to grasp the concept of "MOVE THE FUCK OVER FOR 10 FRIGGIN SECONDS SO I CAN GRAB SOME GODDAMN SPINACH."

Now, don't get me wrong - I have no problem with ex-hippies. I mean, I am the child of one. I just prefer the ones who ditched the hemp, grabbed a bra, snorted some coke and bought themselves a minivan during the late 80's. It's the ones that still think it's 1968 and have killed so many brain cells over the last 40 years that they are no longer capable of pushing a shopping cart without JAMMING IT INTO MY *$%&^*) ANKLES, that I hate.

Oh, and one last thing:

It's 2006. TAKE A FRIGGIN BATH AND WASH OFF THAT PUTRID PATCHOULI SHIT!

Thanks. better now.

I love balls.

On this bright and sunny Monday, I'd like to thank Mike and Heather for the big balls they gave me on Saturday afternoon.

Get your minds out of the gutter!

I mean, BOWLING!

That's right...they threw me a surprise party. A surprise BOWLING party!

Here's how it went:

Mike made me mad by not coming home until really late Friday night. As this is not unheard of in the realm of relationships, I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Saturday afternoon, he recommended lunch in Venice, which, although I was still a little mad at him, I agreed to. But I was mad at him during lunch, because he wouldn't make eye contact with me, the big meanie. Afterwards, he promised me we could visit the puppies at my favorite pet store, but then offered to take me bowling. Don't know what made me amenable to THAT idea, I agreed, and followed him in to the building. As we walked towards the shoe desk, I was complaining about the enormous stain I had gotten on my jacket at lunch. Suddenly, he stops, clearing his throat loudly. I look over and see the one and only Ben Dietz! Then, Miss Heather Almost Dietz turns around. In the next 10 seconds, a slow, not at all symphonic SURPRISE filled the alley. 5 minutes later, I realized that it was for me! 5 minutes to figure out that it was MY birthday, they were MY friends, and it was a party for me!

Yay!

I had a big chocolate cake, broke 100 twice, balloons and flowers...it was fricken fantastic!

As it turns out, Mike stayed out all night on Friday because he couldn't keep a secret. He wouldn't make eye contact with me Saturday morning because he thought I'd figure something out. It worked! Boy was I surprised! (note: no photos will be made available from this event as it was a total surprise, and I was not in Party mode - no makeup, unwashed hair, stained shirt...bleck!)

Fun times with some good friends. But I'm still fighting off the 'late 20's.'