HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY TO HEATHER!



Since nothing other than a big birthday is going on today, I would like to share my 2 new favorite Yo Mamma jokes.

#1. Yo Mamma so dumb she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

#2. Yo Mamma so hairy, when you were born you almost died of rugburn.

That's all for me, folks! GOODNIGHT!

I love my friends.

Sometimes it's easy to take them for granted. Usually up for a good time, can be counted on to help me move. All in all, a great bunch to have around.

But the reason that I love them this time?

Total and complete ego stroking!

Last weekend I took a new friend to meet some old friends at a local neighborhood bar. There we ran into a girl who my ex in now apparently dating. Or so I hear. My friends know her. They are scared of her. She is what we fondly call a "Bar Hag." No explanation needed, I think. Until my arrival, she was hanging on them like a hemerrhoid. But the minute I arrived, she disappeared. Wouldn't look at them, wouldn't talk to them, wouldn't even walk to our side of the bar. It was like she somehow knew who I was. Which is very odd, considering she never met me as his girlfriend. Needless to say, my friends were thrilled. I was 'bar hag' -icide.

And then my friend, my new favoritist man in the world, who shall remain nameless right now, said the magic words.

"Dude, I don't know what he is thinking. You are so much prettier than her."

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!

I went out last weekend on a blind date with a very nice man - he was clean and smart, lives alone, has two dogs. We had a lovely time and he asked me out again. I said yes, of course. That night, he sent me an email suggesting we take the dogs hiking this coming weekend. Since I love hiking, I agreed. But apparently, that was not the right thing to do. At least 5 of my friends pointed out that if I go hiking with a man I don't know too well, I will be murdered and dumped in some hidden canyon with no way of anyone finding me.

Hmm.

So I emailed him and explained that I would have to pass on the hiking, but would like to see him again. Perhaps over dinner or walking the dogs down in Venice.

He emailed me back and said it was good because he had to work anyway. I haven't heard from him since.

My question, this time, is not "Did he not like me?" I'm just wondering - since he doesn't want to see me now that I have turned down hiking, do you think he was really going to murder me and dump me in some hidden canyon?

I don't think I like dating. I think I'll take a break for a while. I don't like thinking I could DIE on a date.

Holy crap.