Did you ever wake up late one morning, over-tired because your third comforter fell off the bed in the middle of the night and the other two snaked down to the bottom of the bed and got stuck under the footboard, and your panties bunched up totally giving you a monster wedgie and you have to pee but you have to make coffee first, only you can't get the top off of the vacuum-tub coffee carafe so you dig through the silverware drawer looking for one of those weird plastic floppy things that are supposed to help you get jar lids open, then you get the carafe open only to find it slimed up with some sort of uber-petroleum smelling toxic waste because you haven't washed it in a few days but you can't really wash it because the hole is too small to shove a sponge is so you just fill it with water and shake it really hard, but not before spilling half of the now brown-water all over your pink, swishy, wedgie-causing sleep pants, waking you up in a horribly unpleasant way but motivating you to get the fucking coffee made so you can finally get to the bathroom to pee and shower before you run to work at 8:56 AM because you can't ever seem to get ready fast enough, frigging eyebrow OCD, but then you have to run down the stairs and past the homeless poop in the stairwell to your car, drive the 4 blocks to your office, park, run down to the street and across it, into the gate, up the stairs and into your office before looking down and realizing that your purse strap has undone your top shirt button and you just ran across Washington Blvd. and a complex full of animators with your cleavage-enhancing bra totally exposed to everyone you passed?

No? Just me?

Weird.

Today we ran out of Xerox paper for the copier. 25 people use the copier, but no one noticed that we were running low. So, when we finally ran out, someone called for new paper. 6 hours later, Xerox arrived. But there was a problem - they couldn't find us. "Where are you?" The driver asked. "In the corner building on the 2nd floor." "I can't find you," he said. This is a confusing discussion. "Why?" you may ask. The answer is simple. We work in a small complex, less than 1 city block in area. There are three, distinct buildings in this complex. One is long and along the south property border. One is short and along the north property border. And one is V-shaped and sits in the corner of the property. On the corner of two streets. This is my building. The Corner Building. Named for it's location and shape, NOT for General Dweezil B. Corner. Approach the building and there are only 3 entrances - one on each arm of the V and one in the center. Each has a staircase. If you go up any of the staircases 1 level, you find yourself on the 2nd Floor. One about 1st Floor, One below 3rd Floor. In the middle of the second floor are 2 Xerox machines. Together. So, tell me Issac Newton...Where's the fucking disconnect???

The arch of my right foot hurts today.

I made an ass of myself in front of a nice boy yesterday.

My Grandma thinks I'm a lesbian.

The other day, I went to the grocery store. I stood in the 'check yourself out, loser' line, designed for people clearly only shopping for themselves. I had less than 15 items. A guy stood behind me. He was about 6'4". He had a bag of chicken. When I stepped up to the register, he stepped up right behind me. I mean, sniff my hair behind me. 'You wanna go?" I asked him. "Yo, can I?" he asked. 15 minutes later, he and his Vanilla Ice pal were still standing there trying to figure out how to get the magical machine to give them money. 15 minutes for a bag of 6 chicken wings. 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Did you ever notice that most of the people that use those little motorized scooters also tend to have asses the size of Rhode Island? Do you think they got Rhode Island asses from using he scooters, or do they use the scooters because of the asses?

Some Highlights from my Easter cruise to Mexico!






To sum up - Windy. Drink. Eat. More Drink. Cold. The end!

Thanks to the fantabulous Ms. E* for coming with!

WELCOME EMMA MARIE!
Born 3/28/07

For my Jewish friends:

From Reuters:

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Marijuana is not kosher for Passover, a pro-cannabis advocacy group says, advising Jews who observe the week-long holiday's special dietary laws to take a break from smoking the weed.

The Green Leaf Party announced Wednesday that products of the cannabis plant have been grouped by rabbis within a family of foods such as peas, beans and lentils that is off-limits to Jews of European descent during Passover.

The Green Leaf Party, which has made several unsuccessful attempts to win election to parliament on a platform urging marijuana's legalisation, said it was issuing its advisory as a service to Jews who don't want to break ritual law.

But it said the rabbinical ban for the holiday beginning at sunset Monday, during which many Jews eat matzos, or unleavened bread, could be a blessing in disguise.

"Logic dictates that if the rabbis say cannabis is non-kosher for Passover, it is apparently kosher during the rest of the year," Michelle Levin, a spokeswoman for the party, told the YNet news web site.

I'm a Godmother!!!

At 1:28pm EST, Emma Marie Pyrzanowski was born. 7lbs. 8oz, 19 1/2 inches. I'll post photos when I get some.

Big Brother Tyler is exceedingly proud:)

I love my hometown newspaper's police blotter:

"Karin U. Stravalacci, 48, of Hillsborough, was charged with driving while intoxicated at 10:32 p.m. on Feb. 1.
Police said Ms. Stravalacci had arrived at police headquarters to bail out her husband and son on unrelated charges, when police noticed she appeared intoxicated. Police said they asked Ms. Stravalacci how she had gotten to headquarters, and she replied that she had driven herself. Police said they conducted sobriety tests and placed Ms. Stravalacci under arrest.
Police said Ms. Stravalacci's blood alcohol level tested at 0.27 percent. A BAC of 0.08 percent or higher is classified as driving while intoxicated by state law.
Ms. Stravalacci was released with a court date of March 13."

Lemme break it down for ya'll:

Woman shows up at the police station to bail out her HUSBAND AND SON. The police noticed that she seemed drunk, asked her how she got there. She TOLD them that she drove there. So they arrested her for DRUNK DRIVING!!

What a family!

Ernest is gone!



Belly button hurts like hell (they cut me there), can't really cough, but all-in-all, feeling pretty good. Stay tuned - I'll post the pictures from the surgery in a few weeks - they thought I was weird for asking for them, but whatev! Wouldn't let me keep the gallbladder, though. Boo.

God Bless Vicodin!