...So, when are you going to make her a Mrs.???

For today's entry, I would just like to begin by discussing a little issue I like to call "None of your goshdarn business." I know for a fact that many of my friends are currently experiencing this very situation and I would like to address it for once and for all.

The following are all the reasons why I AM NOT MRS. GAFFEY or even THE FUTURE MRS. GAFFEY:

8. I haven't been asked.

7. I HAVEN'T said YES.

6. Do you have $8000.00? Really? Good. You buy me a diamond ring.

5.5. Ring for girlfriend or Car with working driver's side door? Girlfriend stays if boyfriend can drive her places. Girlfriend goes away if the only transportation is on the back of his bicycle.

5. Free milk? Buy cow?? Hmmm...tough one again. Even I'm too cheap to pass up free milk.

4. (this is a big one). Weddings cost $20,000 and higher. I barely earn that in a year. YOU do the math.

3. My friends barely earn $20,000 in a year. Low salary = can't afford good presents. I'll pass on the 6 salad shooters. A wedding can wait until my friends can afford the good china.

2. Have you met my parents? YOU ask them for permission.

...and the #1 reason is -

1. I KILL PLANTS. I KILL FISH. HOW CAN YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT I TRY TO KEEP A HUSBAND ALIVE???

Thank you.